‘What hurts you, blesses you. Let Darkness be your candle’ ~ Rumi
I hope you are landing into the darkness of winter time with gentleness, ease and a very warm coat! (Something I am still trying to perfect over here in Scandinavia!)
With much longing and love I think its really about time I sent you a little update on whats happening this end…
Despite my silence you are all never far from my thoughts and heart and quite frankly my trip back to the UK in October reminded me of how much I miss your company! It was really the biggest gift to spend quality time with so many of you!
Nonetheless Life has had her plan with me and that has been to embrace the silence within and spend more time alone unravelling the many many broken layers of this beautiful human being. Even my website and email account was down and out of access for over a month! It seems the deeper I go, the more that is required from me and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been a struggle and a fight at times…but there is just no other way now. And my heart longs to surrender into and through all the pain, fear and shame of our humanity…because lets be honest we cannot heal this world and ourselves by fighting back…we absolutely must turn in on ourselves. This is where I am currently at. A heart full of longing but very often a mind with so much resistance and clinging to what I have always known and understood…
The more I embrace turning inwards, the more I begin to see that my outward reality is constantly reflecting my own internal struggles and experiences…its really quite something to suddenly see with such clarity how everything is absolutely connected…One Being.
Much like many of you, I embraced the path of spirituality, yoga and meditation because I was deeply unhappy, because I wanted more from this life. But over the last 2 years what I’ve come to realise is that this need to escape is deeply ingrained in the blueprint of my being…so as much as my yoga and meditation practice provided me with great skill, ability, strength of mind and body, openness of the heart and even freedom and peace at times, it ended up becoming another means to escape what has been lying underneath in the darkness all this time. Embracing this darkness is now the journey I am on.
This is the journey of embracing the Divine Feminine aspect of our being, of allowing light to penetrate matter. Embodiment. Merging the understanding that the limitlessness of consciousness must be embraced and brought into the beauty of form.
My practice from moment to moment is to bring the clarity of mind and the true love and compassion of the heart down into the depths of my broken human being and shine the light of love on those parts I’ve not wanted to look at until now. (I hope to write a blog on this soon and expand!)
As you can imagine within this time of shifting the perspective, a lot has had to die and be let go of, in order to give space for what can be born in freedom and love. And this also includes my identity as a yoga teacher…this has been a tough one for sure…but I see that Life is strongly inviting me to embrace new areas and discoveries in order for me to be a living example, and continue to share from a place of total honesty and understanding…and this is incredibly humbling…I am constantly in awe of Life’s gifts… If we are truly willing to invite her in, it becomes clear that her bounty and wisdom is truly limitless…
So here I am with no real idea of what I’m doing and what will come, but simply a knowing that the desire to be in service to you is stronger than ever and a total openness to Life to show me exactly how that must be facilitated. I am looking into workshops and retreats for next year and I hope to share the details with you as soon as they are birthed.
I very much appreciate and understand that these changes I have experienced may no longer resonate with your choices, so I would like to take this opportunity to express my deep gratitude to you for sharing this journey so far. It really has been a pleasure.
From this dark embrace I am sending you my love and gentleness for this bumpy ride called Life.
So much gratitude for the connection we have