Engaging consciously in relating with others is one of the greatest amplifiers of the unconscious realms. As relational beings, with open, sensitive and vulnerable hearts, we are constantly invited to recognise the potential of every relationship as a mirror reflecting back our own tender, hidden and often disguised reality. We can count on those we are in close relationship with to reflect back all that is unresolved within us. This more than often manifests through conflict with the other. When we approach relating consciously we welcome the possibility of bringing our painful feelings, triggers, reactions, projections, hatred, need to blame, home on ourselves. In this way we are choosing to encode a radical new pathway within our nervous system, and psyche, where by we replace the inherited old ways of self-abandonment and neglect with new circuitry. With that of love, awareness, curiosity and devotion to wholeness.
Return to Self
Ultimately the field of relating is a direct reflection of our intimate commitment to Self, as the bottom line. It is a calling towards our own private and tender journey home, where we are constantly opening our eyes to ‘as within, so without’. The return home is bitterly sweet as the decent of consciousness illuminates the mystery of matter within our very beings, and Lover and Beloved playfully dance the heart’s greatest longing. The very fabric of our individual homecoming journey is uniquely composed of specific ancestral coding, childhood experiences, traumas and overall life experiences that create distinct levels of identification, relational dynamics, behavioural patterns and wounding. These are aspects of ourselves that are longing to come out of the shadows and into the light of loving awareness. Not to harm, but to be accepted in their raw, vulnerable, naked state, and loved back to wholeness. Within this field of relating lies a great call and longing of the soul to return. A call that simply gets louder with every conscious step towards co-creation, co-existing and transformation.
Keys to Relating
Relating invites a deep need to listen to the highly intelligent nature of the body and respect the feedback of our delicate nervous system. Through this we develop a capacity to stay with our every experience moment to moment, releasing the inherent instinct of DOING and allow a relaxation into BEING. To welcome this new pathway within relating, a great deal of softness, honesty, vulnerability, openness, compassion, non-judgement and tenderness is required towards ourselves and each other. This opens the door towards a familiarisation and understanding of our capacity, instincts, boundaries, triggers, wounding and ultimately where our YES and NO lies in that moment. With an open heart and a willingness to step into quietude we always hold the possibility of transmuting our every experience towards a deeper embodiment of love and wholeness.
The fact that as human beings, we long for intimacy with another more than anything, is no great surprise when we recognise the parallel deep heart opening desire for the return to Self.
The meeting of two souls within the container of intimate relating holds the potential for profound inner and outer transformation and awakening. It is the meeting of two open hearts merging into ecstatic Oneness yet allowing the true birth of each one as their individual essence. As Man and Woman.
When two souls unite with a depth of connection it is without doubt that they not only hold the keys to opening their heart but also to activating their specific core wounding. Intimate relating is for this reason, a profound portal for the healing of our deepest wounds, as it is within the relational field that these wounds were initially imprinted, most likely during our early years of life. What lies hidden and broken in one is exactly the wounding that will correspond to activate the others hidden and unconscious pain. The depth to which we are intimately touched is equal to the depth by which we are triggered. As two souls unite in love, love pours into untouched terrain, illuminating and activating pain and trauma from long ago. Not because the other has any agenda to cause pain, but simply through the sheer nature of the crucible that forms in a conscious and sacred relationship. It is as if we are transported from the here and now crossing through the liminal and landing back in time, where the initial imprint of unworthiness, rejection, loneliness, abandonment, exile, hatred was made. Within this sacred container the couple are placed in direct confrontation with all that they are in conflict with inside themselves. The aching pain that lies within the conflict is sacred and the embodied willingness to stay present with it is a holy pilgrimage back home to wholeness.
The sexual nature of intimate relating is key to the potential transformation for both souls. Where by love making allows a direct pathway to the essence of spirit and oneness of being. Sacred union activates the raw power of Love and Life Force energy to carve out the body space, allowing both partners to experience the penetrating presence of consciousness into their sacred temples: the heart and sexual organs.
The meeting of consciousness with matter in this way can very often feel like a lightening bolt in the body sphere, directly activating the enjoyment body as well as the wounding; igniting a rewiring of our life force energy. Alongside this activation comes a purification of sexual energy and a healing of sexuality on ground level. Not to mention a profound heart expanding devotion to the transpersonal reality.This directly influences the way that life manifests through and as each one.
Relationship as a Crucible
Through a deep commitment to taking responsibility and willingness to dive into intimacy and vulnerability over and over again, both partners are directly shown the nature of their relationship with silence, wounding, love, togetherness, individuation, emptiness, fullness, and ultimately Self.
A relationship continues to move forward when there is a base line commitment to let all hopes and dreams fade, allowing an ongoing deep exhale through the body, mind and heart so that the cycle of death can naturally transmute into being born anew. A full willingness to invite the mystical dance between love flowing in and then out, inhaling and exhaling, being together and alone, oneness and individuation, death and rebirth.
The transformative dance of rupture and repair is endlessly profound, revealing that relationships of great depth and meaning are not those which are free of conflict, but those where working through conflict is embraced as path, as a unique and transmutative vessel of purification, love, and healing.
A recognition of the gold buried in the dark soil of being and the birthing of a new time of co-created harmony.